Afte my father passed in 2021, I wrote in a blog, “I am no longer a daughter.” and that statement started a series of perception shifts that over time led to the realization the family name I was born into no longer felt right. It was an identification default I’d never questioned and I started to wonder, ‘Is this who I am?’ The answer was no, the name did not reflect the way I feel, I did not identify with it. So I started to contemplate making a name change.

That’s a big deal and I did not enter into the exploration lightly nor with any urgency, but with curiosity, excitement and happy anticipation. This decision reflected the self-determining theme running through my life, especially since becoming self-employed at the age of 42.

As a young woman I approached the cultural norm of taking on a new married name pragmatically, thinking yes but only if it was an improvement. However I did not marry and cross that bridge and it never came up.

My company name Laila Goddess was a transformation of the family name. Later I realized it was the first step away from that identity while bringing in the feminine overtly into my work. But Goddess was not the name I wanted for myself, I needed a separation from my vocation.

There are limitless name options that require serious reflection on answers to questions about: who I am, what is my nature, what matters to me, what is my identity. During my time working in Bali in 2023 I made the space to discover my new name. What I knew for sure was I wanted the element of water in it, Mer was appealing, like in mermaid and with the same pronunciation. My guiding objective was to find a name that was feminine, soft, beautiful and meaningful to me.

Long lists of baby names and Goddess names were explored but none quite right. Eventually I thought of Meryl as in Streep and it was lovely but again, not quite there yet. Looking up the meaning of Elle I discovered in Greek it is Divine Light, in addition to a feminine name in French. When I put them together I found an obscure reference to Merelle as Shining Sea. That was it! (Pronounced murr L)

The numerology of Merelle and Laila Merelle was serendipitous and my excitement grew. All the while I’d been at my favourite resort on the Bali Sea, swimming in the pool as I reflected on my options, and only afterwards noticed the female statue adorning the pool had a tail, a mermaid had been present the whole time.

More synchronicity was revealed: the date of this special day, and on a full moon, confirmed the same numerology as my name. That night as I meandered over to dinner, the clear night revealed a full moon that greeted me with my namesake. Laila means night, specifically a special night with a moon. Merelle is Shining Sea. And so it came to pass.

When something is really important and new, it’s best to keep it private so as not to be influence by external thoughts and opinions. Let it gestate and grow and strengthen quietly.  I was able to keep this chosen name private and did not share it except with my spiritual mentors as we explored the significance and impact to my way of being in this new frequency. To compromise I did mention to a few friends I’d decided to change my name and would announce it when it was legal. I waited over a year to ensure this wasn’t an impulse, and to be completely grounded and certain before proceeding legally.

My new 2023 business card only had my first name on it, as did my website and printed materials, making room for the change. Filling in show applications was unsettling for a year, and recently after the paperwork came in, I asked all the fall shows to change my name on their promotional materials.

I’ll share that Merelle has a totally different energy than I’ve felt before, she’s a reflection of my spiritual evolution and encourages an updated approach to life and all the shit that flies.

The 18 months that passed from that February Full Moon name day until the legal name certificate was delivered this summer , was time spent in training to rise above the old outmoded ways and create a new default to exercise. Sort of like having an internal coach inviting me relentlessly to step up. And to RELAX. At first it was confusing to have so many feelings colliding within during challenging situations as old reactions/perceptions met new options.

I became unhesitant to speak far firmer boundaries with people and made many radical changes in my working relationships.

I’m happy to report these last few months I’m truly settling into my new identity as all the logistics of name change tasks are completed and people in my life are being told.

We had an unusually sunny and calm September and my vacation in Georgian Bay was gifted with gorgeous daily swims, baptizing me over and over in a Shining Sea. I was literally dwelling in my new name, blessed with the sparking water all around me and it felt like an ongoing celebration and initiation.

What’s in a name? A lot. Seeing it in writing on my new driver’s license and then my passport was simultaneously shocking and exhilarating. The long lists of making the changes on my banking and all other manner of identifying accounts, it’s all a labour of love.

At first I felt a bit shy in the unfamiliarity of it, and now it’s the most natural step as I move into the next phase of my life.

Thank you for reading about this extraordinary journey.

Laila Merelle
11/22/24