The paradox of my past experience as artist is wanting to keep my creations and also to succeed in selling out a painting show. Perhaps it's because I don't have enough time with my paintings before they go to a new home, I don't really get to know them at all before they are adopted by an art lover. Perhaps it's an attachment that can't be explained easily. 

When I returned from my travels last winter there was a surprising message waiting for me from an old friend who had a painting I'd created for her while a student at university. She had downsized and was happy to let me have it back if I had space. This was something I'd increasingly longed for over the last 40+ years. I had one wall that would work.

When I was in art school she had commissioned me to paint a very large landscape for her new home. We had been on several camping trips and after going through some slides decided on a beautiful image I'd taken after a storm in which a rainbow was present behind a white pine studded Canadian Shield shoreline near our campsite. The painting was to be 10 x 8 feet and made up of 5 panels- an important idea my prof mentioned so I could get it out of the basement once complete!

Above: 12 Mile Bay (Georgian Bay) working reference print made from slide
with paint fingerprints and crop for the commissioned landscape of 10x8ft.

It was  a daunting project for my 21 year old self without much painting experience. My painting professor agreed to let me work from home and use it as a credit. It took the entire school year to complete. At first I thought I'd paint with my hands, but quickly moved on to brushes after chafing my skin on the rough canvas. (Later I used my hands for my oil pastel paintings on paper.)

Above: My 21 year old self starting to prep the first panels,
originally using my hands...

I don't remember much about the process so long ago except feeling pressure because I was being well paid. Georgian Bay holds a very special place in my heart and I was also excited about the challenge of capturing that gorgeous moment after the rain.

After it was complete, I remember weeping at the inevitable delivery and installation of the panels. I'd been living with the unfolding creation for most of a year and was very attached to this, my first serious painting.

This past summer it took quite a bit of planning to get the panels onto my roof rack securely and slowly made my way home across town with my treasure, holding on for extra safety on the very windy ride.

It took a day to assemble with help,  and trips to the hardware store.
I wanted it up for my birthday party the next day.

Above: Returned assembled painting of 12 Mile Bay in 5 panels in my home, 
waiting to be mounted on this one available wall.

What I can't remember, unfortunately,  is what gave me the courage to make the finished painting a mixed media piece. I actually pierced the finished canvas and started to embroider details along the shoreline! I glued glass bead embellishments on the reeds, trees and water surface. Although it was a huge leap, this creative decision is what makes this a very original piece.

Above: Embroidery thread reeds at shoreline, rocks sewn on with fishing wire,
and beads glued to water reflection.

Above: Pine needles were painted individually with the edge of a pallet knife,
beads added afterwards. Rocks sewn on.

My painting prof had come to my parents house where I was living, to grade it and said it was like a Canadian Henri Rousseau. I was tickled. And proud of this piece.

While creating Laila Goddess textiles I didn't realize I was feeling other than artist, even though the photos and drawings and colour choices and everything else that goes into the design are mine. The silk screen process or digital printing is removed from the organic nature of painting and somehow I got lost along the way in my self-perception. I didn't realize until looking at this landscape I made at such a tender young age what I'd forgotten while building the business. 

The gift that was delivered with the blessing of its' return was being reminded I'm a painter. I'm an artist. I'm more than Laila Goddess as a venture.

That this reunion transpired at the same time as my legal new name certificate was delivered and my birthday seems extraordinarily appropriate. :) Laila Merelle, artist. 

On the morning of my birthday I was in quiet awe gazing upon the scene, sitting in wonder that this creation came from me, from my heart, and finally in my  own home sweet home. This blessing just keeps on giving and I'm so appreciative of the generosity of my old friend and our renewed connection. My 2024 was simply incredible, despite the challenges.

Thank you for reading about this very special experience. 

LM
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