I’ve had one of the most satisfying and wonderful Christmas season’s ever, with weeks of fun socializing followed by days of solo time, gorgeous yummy meals, and it was all so deliciously balanced.
My mood this morning wasn’t great and it always takes me by surprise after a string of very good days. Sometimes when I’m 'off' there’s something that needs releasing that I’m not fully aware of, so I just focused on the possibility something was ‘up’ for me.
Sure enough my eyes started to well up and I realized my lack of initiative to get some really important tasks started was scaring me. I just wanted to continue to sit still and reflect and write and putter around, listen to music, enjoy all this space and time around me after the busyness of the year and holidays. Like many others I didn’t want to go back to work yet.
But the fact is the website inventory isn’t accurate as I discovered at every show. Today I have a helper coming to begin counting what’s left of the pandemic collections so I can properly update quantities online- in order to start the year off well and also announce a year end sale.
The ON SALE NOW Collection is very important as I don’t have any shows till Spring and the more room I make in online inventory, the more I’m willing to invest in the new 2023 collections. All a bit tricky in this economy to forecast new year spending trends….
Getting organized before the inventory counting is no small task and that’s what I felt limp about today. In fact what I’ve been putting off for the last few days, overruling my ambition to have had this done before Christmas in time for Boxing Day. Yet time was running…
The show booth gets packed into the car and then unpacked waiting (below) for my attention.
Needs to be organized (below) in styles, colours, sizes and counted
I could also feel the pressure to begin the new textile designs I’ve had in my head these last 3 years that need birthing…. And create the new styles- 2 new dresses and tops/jackets/coats…
Yes, I was afraid this morning, not wanting to move or get started on the pictures above. Not feeling any industry in me. So much to do and yet no spark. It’s not fatigue, I’ve been resting and my tank is full. Just preferring to extend my resting state in idle holiday mode.
So I felt my fear and I had a squirt- a small release of tears. No drama, no big emotions, just acknowledging this is where I was at and I was uncomfortable; Afraid of my lack of initiative at a crucial time. Just a few moments was all I needed to dwell on my feelings.
For some reason I got up, and as I walked by my vase of Christmas tulips decided to change the water and cut the stems. Did the same for another vase. Then a quick sweep of the fallen leaves dry from being indoors. Sat back down and noticed the energy was flowing through me again, gentle but moving.
In Gestalt therapy, (my previous career), there’s a wonderful term called The Paradox of Change. When you feel stuck, the theory is rather than resist and beat yourself up about it and try to change it, SURRENDER to the feeling. Acknowledge and respect it as valid and present and yours.
Then watch what happens. When you actually allow yourself to feel the feeling you don’t like, it often will dissolve. Our feelings just want some attention, acknowledgment in the busy distracted pace of everyday living, like a young child. Often they’ll go play elsewhere once you’ve given them a cuddle after a fall.
So it was with me this morning. Yes I was truly alarmed at my lack of initiative this morning in the face of the importance of the tasks ahead. And after respecting my feeling with acknowledgement, without judgement or cajoling or rationalizing, and then letting it move out, I experienced my initiative was available again.
Now I’m even more clear on the theory: Just because I was afraid didn’t mean that my fear was true for more than a moment.
My fear was that I would continue to procrastinate in the bliss of holiday mode, and get into a business pickle. By feeling that authentically, it was no longer true. I had MOVED ON.
What’s really happening is transforming a ‘should’ into a new choice by acknowledging my resistance to it.
I then had to decide whether to take the time to write this in the moment, consider if writing, which gives me enormous pleasure and satisfaction, was simply a distraction from prepping for the afternoon task. But this was a simple enough note to jot down, only taking half an hour to express here. My energy is flowing. The finessing of the writing-the re-writing- is what takes the most time and which can wait till I’m ready to send out the next newsletter…
I’m sharing this with you in hopes that if you’re out of sorts, or resistant to something, be still and feel it. You might get some clarity. Just feel it without judgement, and surrender to what’s true for your today. Then see what happens.
Perhaps you can go into the new year with one less should on your plate….Hopefully you’ll find yourself on the other side of the paradox of change.
UPDATE 12/29/22: Oh the relief after the first chunk of inventory was counted with my fabulous helper! And just before she arrived, another helper here for something else asked if I was going to update inventory directly online rather than fuss with writing info down on printed web pages only to have to input later. GENIUS and so obvious a solution that was not in my mind. Saved me hours and hours of work!. The Sale pricing got input at the same time as inventory which also saved time. So here we are!